When I was younger, I would always cut out random pictures and words from magazines and random printouts that I would find useful to paste on the headboard of my bed. There would be all kinds of colorful pictures and words that kept me feeling hopeful towards every single day.

I would never stop doing that, anything that filled me up with great energy, I would want it on my headboard. At times, my big brother would get mad at me for cutting out pictures from our family album, which I know are of sentimental value, but I was young then, so I'm sure some of those sneaky Tokki ways have been forgiven.

As I grew older, I stopped taking such notice on these things, it seemed like my whole being wandered into a different dimension and my mind drifted away into a limbo state.

Such an experience did not mean I wasn't living, I was indeed living then and I still am, but these are the phases in life that I had to go through and I still do go through them.. I still let myself wander off into different places my heart feels like going from time to time.. to simply reflect on an aspect of my life one by one.

It gets tiring to over think and over analyze a lot of things. So what better way can I do but to keep telling myself that clearing out my conscience and wiping the slate clean are what's best for me.

I have to keep my focus on things that make Tokki a happy bunny.

And slowly yet surely, I am retracing back my steps for my mind to remember how it was like when I was younger, what truly made me feel like ME.

So, I regathered a lot of things that would make me remember the feeling of being grateful and hopeful. Not to expect and not to over attach on to things. Simply take everything with a pinch of salt.

I'm always on this journey and I've yet to find that state of finding myself to be peaceful, because it's no denying that as much as I want to push through every obstacle, my mind is still so bothered by many things coming my way. I know for a fact that I control myself, it's only me who can choose to feel negative or positive, but that's the thing. I'm this girl..this Tokki..

Then again, being human, it's okay to not be perfect. It's okay to not be able to master and train ourselves to not find THE ULTIMATE peace and balance. Even monks and nuns take years to master in depth to get themselves fully into it, and some still struggle, cos, let's face it, we are all humans.

I wish everything is easier done than said. But that's reality to me now.

This concludes to why I have a renewed Life List since last year and I am happier to see so many things crossed off from it. I am also feeling and sensing new realistic goals to be added on to there. I just want to be my way of being this BEING and continue living so I can strike off as many things as I can on my Life List!

Eeks.

Also, reading 'Don't Sweat the Small Stuff' by Richard Carlson does help! I'll definitely talk more on what I've learned from reading it when I have more time to get myself into a blog post dedicated to it.

I hope everybody else is in their highest most happiest spirit and are all well yahh!

Fighting!

xo,
Tiff