I came across a few articles about grown ups who have experienced the initial stages of their own parents' separation or divorce. While there are at least some, there are not many. A lot of the other articles focused on the effects that could happen to a young child, so, here I am contributing a piece of what I have experienced as an adult child to my recently separated parents.

It is true that a young child could be miserably affected growing up with two parents separated while they are still very young, but it is still just as tough as a grown up to face the fact that my own parents are separated. I have gotten used to them being so close together for so long since I was very young. They have been married for 32 years last September 25th of this year. I've never seen them apart, no matter where we were or which country we've lived in.

We were always together.

I have moved to several countries near and far from where I was born, but wherever I was, I knew I had my papa, mama, big brother and my younger brother with me. I am the only daughter and sister in my family.

They were the only ones who stayed when I had to make new friends in each new school and each new neighborhood. They have seen me change over time, seen me go through phases in life and seen me as a bubbly baby to a silly kid and now to a working adult. They have always been there when everything else was new. I never knew where home is till this very day, but knowing the ones I love were near me was already enough to make it feel like home.

My clear advice to those who are facing what I am going through right now is for you to sit back and reflect on your situation deeply. Give yourself time to grief but don't go over the limits of over-dwelling and letting it affect yourself too much.

Here are some of the things you can do:

• Express! Let your emotions go, find a positive outlet that you can do to release any suppressed emotion out. Be it in the form of working out, writing, music, drawing, painting or anything that could positively distract you from thinking about problems all the time.
• You Are Never Alone! Don't hide the fact that you are facing a life-changing issue, let those who matter know that you are going through this in order for them to understand you better as a person. Pep talks help a lot! I'm thankful for my best friends, great friends, boyfriend, bosses, ex colleagues/colleagues who are like friends and relatives that do show concern.
• Have Your Own Me Time! This does not mean you can run away! This is for you to find a different setting for you to self reflect and give yourself time to pamper yourself at a spa, find books to read at the library, treat yourself a freshly brewed coffee with a slice of cheesecake at a cafe or anything that can make you feel relaxed.
• Plan A Quick Getaway! Take a short trip up to the mountains or by the beach to help ease your stresses away.
• Join a Volunteering Group! Go to an old folks home, an orphanage or a non-profit organization to do something useful and selfless! See how others are facing worse situations than you. By helping them, you are helping yourself too!
• Create a Bucket List! Jot down a list of things you want to accomplish in life or within a period of time. Try to set a due date and work actively into striving your goals.

• Re-acquaint or Strengthen Bonds! With your family members, relatives, friends and those who matter a great deal to you. Host a get-together with your family and friends like a simple BBQ on a sunny day or go on a friendly, fun night out with your best friends and close friends.
• Self-Love! Being conceited and self loving are two completely different things! You need to find love in yourself first before anything. Do a total transformation, find ways to make yourself be a better version of you. Change your lifestyle to a positive and healthy one.

• Have Faith! Be Strong! This may be a very common thing to say, but it surely helps! If you are a person who believes in God. Talk to Him and confide in Him. Cry and let your every emotion be felt when you are making your prayers to Him. Perhaps, this is a test/challenge in life that will help you become a stronger person. This will help you understand that strengthening your faith is not only when issues arise but to remember Him during times of happiness too.

• Don't Ever Get into Medications! Anti-depressants are a no go! I can't stress this enough of how this will affect you in the long run. You'll be so used to feeling numb that reality in itself will be too painful for you to handle. You need to overcome and face reality as a strong, positive person.
• Don't Ever Succumb to the Dark Side! Drugs, alcohol and not caring about how you carry yourself are just temporary highs. Don't fall into these things that could be dangerous to you. These can be a death trap. You can put yourself in many situations where you will be in so much trouble. Your life will be at tremendous risk. Please take care of yourself.
• Don't Run Away! You will only make it worse. Problems will be never-ending. You will make loved ones feel worried and have high blood pressure all because of you. People will resent you, YOU WILL RESENT YOURSELF and you will have regrets. Deaths could happen. You will miss moments in life with family. You really don't want to regret anything.
• Don't Be Dependent! When your family is having a crisis, do your best to lessen the burdens of your family members. Be independent! Do your own chores at home, settle your own self issues and find ways to pay your own bills and monthly expenses. Do not depend on your parents. You are growing up as an adult, start depending on yourself. Separation/divorce cases are already so costly, you would not want to be a big burden to any one of your parents.
• Don't Think of Suicide! You HAVE a whole long life ahead of you to discover many bittersweet moments in life. There are SO many chapters of  your life that you have yet to open, that's up to you to try to make the contents of your book a beautiful story. So, please continue to make your life filled with colors and joy. Keep a healthy and positive mind, okay!

I do have dreams of being a successful entrepreneur one day and wanting to create music all day every day. I dream to be in school again and be in a course that I personally want to do. I dream to be around artistic folks alike and be a part of something that will make me feel accomplished in life. But I have to secure myself completely as I am pretty much alone in this country, so I have to keep my priorities in check and survive myself in this rat-race city.

But hey! I am still here and I am always trying to improve myself as a person.

At the end of the day, you need to find peace in everything and find balance in every aspect of your life. Every single thing that has happened in life happen for a reason, just keep going into the direction that you want to be and move towards finding a purpose to make YOUR life a meaningful one. You will find out why such negative turmoil in life happened in the past, you will be a person who is consciously aware of your own surroundings if you overcome this issue positively.

One day, you will come out of this feeling like a renewed person and understand everything in life way, wayyyyyyyyy better.

If you have anything to share, feel free to email me or ask me questions. I will try to answer what I know and hopefully it will help you too.

Please remember to smile and keep that chin up, okay? (^_^)v

Thank you for reading!

xo,
Tiff